The way we win

It may be the voice of toddlers calling, oblivious to your deadline or friends who think they should hold more priority; it may be a pounding headache or the food from that new restaurant which kept you 'to'ing and 'fro'ing to the loo the night before a big presentation.

It may be incessant phone calls when you are trying to get an extra hour's sleep or the enticing piece of chocolate cake your colleague offers you the day you began your diet.

It may be you yourself questioning your goals or that a change of routine is desired or you suddenly hear news that you can't stop thinking about. The fact is, for every set goal, there are things from within and without that work against acheiving it.

Giving these things more than the split seconds of thought they deserve, may result in being side-tracked and we may never get to our desired goal.

What will help at times like that, is to think about people who have won competitions, races and other challenges in the past. How did they do it? They probably had gazzillion legitimate reasons to have given up but they did not, instead they remained focused until they got where they wanted to be.

Focus, the concentration of attention into something, is what gets people to the finish line. It maximises time and shuts out the noises. Keeping in mind the big picture, a clear image of the desired end result inspite of distractions is the way we win.

He will not give us more than we can bear.

It was my normal routine email. I sent it out to friends that had not been in touch in 4weeks or more. I personalised it, making sure I asked the right questions and sent my regards to the right names. I then waited for responses to flood in.

Most of the replies were like what I sent out, pleasantries and a short update of how things were going. One was however, just a sentence: Our baby went to be with the Lord but we are fine.

That whole day I could not answer back. Paralysed as we often are when we hear of tragedies but I knew that I had to get in touch as one should, no matter how sad the news, no matter how engulfed with grief the friend may be, they remember those who get in touch and they value them.

When I finally made the call, we chatted, we laughed, we had that painful throat feeling when the tears refuse to fall. I learnt about the day when the 4month old left. The week that followed I got another email, another sentence: Our baby's short but amazing life.

I still check those emails off and on perhaps I expect it to read differently. When I called back after viewing the pictures, one thing stood out in our conversation " He will not give us more than we can bear."

It made me wonder, how much can anyone bear? I may never get an answer to that question but I know that my friends lives have a pattern once again and those words played a huge part in getting them there.

Fresh Eyes

It was our first time worshipping in this big church. We had never seen anything like it. Her magnificence, displayed in an architectural wonder that spanned several acres and took ones breathe away.

A massive lobby with pictures of angels against cream coloured tall walls greeted us on the inside; chandeliers and mirrors which added to the natural light caused us to blink a few times.

There was a seating area somewhere in the middle, fresh plants, with green leaves adorned the sides of the settees projecting a homely feel. Paintings that take one far far away hang on some walls.

Mesmerised, we manage to find our way into the sanctuary where we were once again spell bound. Something about the equipment and effects reminded us of an entertainment centre.

When the choir sang what happen to be one of our favourite songs a little while later, it was impossible to believe it was not the actual CD that we were listening to, except they sounded even better than the CD!

We explored the grounds some more when the service was over. Impressed, does not do justice to how we felt.

A year later however, we hardly see the plants, we do not notice the cream coloured walls except when they have a yellow plastic sign that read ‘fresh paint’ in front of them.

We have seen it all before and although the building is still as breathtaking as ever, we no longer see it quite like that anymore. Our eyes have grown accustomed to seeing it so we sort of take it for granted.

Then we invited a friend whose marvels took us back to that first day. It made us see the need to look at things with fresh eyes, even our relationships.

So what if your man always gives good presentations, praise the next one as if it’s his first one. What does it matter that your woman always makes great dishes? Compliment her all the same.

Must it take an outsider to draw our attention to the excellence and beauty in one another, the very things that drew us to them in the first place which we now consider ‘normal’?

Take another look, this time with fresh eyes.

Trust like a child

In this time of uncertainties, where some of our friends go out in the morning to a job without being totally convinced that the job will still be their's next week, where there is hardly anyone who does not know someone somewhere who has been made redundant. It is easy to despair.

Financial difficulties have largely increased and people are tightening their budget strings. Brand name cereals are being replaced with generic ones with mothers picking Coco -rounds instead of Coco Pops. That difference alone makes some of us freak out. We don't remember that children are really less concerned about brand names and status symbols as they are about being loved and having fun.

Anxiety seems normal. We are tempted to turn away from the one thing that can help us. We recoil and hide because that gives us temporary comfort especially after listening to the news and hearing more depressing information which makes our stomach turn. Yet we make the unfavourable exchange rates the subject of conversations with our peers.

Our subconcious nudge us off and on but we neglect to do what we ought, we just can't deal with that right now. We are well aware that people have been known to turn away from God when things are not going quite as they would like but that is not us we reason after all we pray daily.

It might as well be us though, if we do not learn to trust God like a child. Do we even trust Him at all? If we do why would we toss and turn in the bed? If we truly believe in the words we pray and expect answers, we would trust, wouldn't we?

My nephews recently asked for toys which I have bought and will be sending off to them soon. As we live in different countries, it takes a while before I get things across to them but they never once doubt that the things will arrive. Not once, since I gave my word did they question my sister about if I would change my mind or forget. Instead they eagerly await their presents. To them, it's all about when and never if. It is a done deal not a probability.

Likewise with God. If He said it, we can go to sleep on it. If we trust him, we will relax knowing He's got our back and we need not second guess Him. Whatever you are going through today and however dire the situation is, you will do well to trust like a child.

When we speak different languages.

Not many things beat the frustration and anger accompanied with not being understood. The way we react in situations like that is a language in itself speaking out clearly about how we communicate.

In particular, when the communication gap is within a marital relationship, the negative feelings multiply. Spouses are quick to bring to mind the million and one times they have experienced similar scenarios thereby getting more vexed. Questions like how can he not get it? Why is she playing dumb? run around in their heads heightening the irritation.

There are those who get furious and draw battle lines usually recognized by their rising voices, clenched fists, revealing white knuckles and increasing beads of sweat around the brows. There are others who throw their hands up in the air and give up, choosing to shut down in other to avoid a melt-down and there are also those rare ones, who stay calm until they find a way to get their message across.

Getting to that calm level where something aggravating us can be resolved without burst arteries, streaming eyes and all the drama is not easy, but it is possible and achievable by everyone, if we desire it.

Suppose you are visiting a new country, say Spain for example. You do not speak a word of Spanish but you are looking forward to your vacation. Would you not invest in either learning basic Spanish, buy some of those ‘what you need to know about’ books or get a tour guide? Whatever the cost, you would not mind, because you know it will go a long way to enhance your whole trip making it that much more enjoyable.

Why is it then that we hardly employ this mindset to life, our most important journey of all? Ask yourself when was the last time you tried to see things from your spouse’s perspective? Or bought a book that will help you understand him/her better? Why neglect to equip ourselves with aids that will make our lives more interesting?

Every man speaks a different language to every woman. Fact! That person you walked down the aisle with has whatever many years of various experiences that make him communicate the way he does. Add to that his inherent tendencies and you will see that perhaps instead of an anger outburst or a name calling exercise, a calm and solutions focused approach will make more difference.

When we speak different languages, normally, we try to learn each other’s language, we are more tolerant of errors, we show more patience, we sharpen our non-verbal cues, we practice a lot, we show rather than tell and we do not give up. Should we not lend one another the courtesy that we do where real languages are concerned?

Gratitude

My euphoria about the historic event we witnessed last Tuesday has not completely waned. It is probably the same for you and I doubt there is anyone who was not touched one way or another by that making of history. It's such a rarely thing and all I can do is give thanks to Him who thanks is due.

So today, I thank God for history that has been made, for people who never give up until they fulfill their destinies and for a brighter tomorrow.

I could not find either songs I wanted to share so I'll post part of the lyrics.

Mark Altrogge's Destiny:

I have a destiny I know I shall fulfil

I have a destiny in that city on a hill

I have a destiny and it's not an empty wish

For I know I was born for such a time as this

Donnie McClurkin's Yes We Can (no, it wasn't just recently released)

You gotta make this land a better land

In the world in which we live

We gotta help each man and each woman be better

By the kindness that we give

I know we can make it,

I know real well We can make it,

yes we can, can...

Mile-takers.

There are people who seem to enjoy taking others for a ride. You give them an inch, they take several miles. I doubt that anyone enjoys being cheated. Not even con artists. Why these people can't see that baffles me.

How do they even decide who to mess with? Is it that they have a radar that alerts them to their victims? Or do they not realise when they cross the line between asking for a favour and 'using' someone? Whatever happened to doing as you would like to be done to? Are people from particular countries prone to behaving this way than others?

You tell me.

At at a function the other day, I sat with a group of people from different African countries. Ever so often, the subject will touch on Nigerians and it appeared that the table were in agreement that Nigerians are arrogant and expert mile-takers.

I tried to understand the rationale behind it and attempted to make a case against generalisation quelling examples that flooded to my mind of when my fellow country men had taken miles instead of the inch on offer.

There was the time I was making an international trip, back when one was allowed 32kg per bag excluding hand luggage. All I had was a tiny bag and so when someone asked if I could help her take a few things I readily agreed. Well, she turned up to my house with 2 suitcases weighing 30kg each. Imagine!

There was also that person who expected me to ship a box of clothes for her when she learnt I was relocating and would be shipping some stuff. Arghh!

Anyway, back at this event, the people on my table readily backed their consensus with examples which led to this post.

As someone who recently began my writing business which includes rendering services like proof-reading/editing documents, typing,transcribing etc, I advertise myself everytime I have the opportunity.

I have a wide target including schools, students and specific organisations. I would usually cite past projects as well as the cost implications.

To my suprise, a few days ago, a Nigerian woman I know well, breezed into my house textbooks in hand with a college assignment brief, asking me not only to answer the questions for her, to type it including references as soon as possible and at no cost.

I don't know what disgusted me more. The fact that I had been asked or that I did not immediately decline. It took me the better part of a day to form my words of rejection.

It made me wonder, what drives these people? How come they have the audacity to make the requests? Why do we their victims grant any of them? Could it be the radar thing? Or that we, the victims, have the inability to say no in common? Are Nigerian expert mile-takers?

What do you think?

Have a change party!

What with the historic day we had on Tuesday, change is still very much on my mind. So it occured to me to make a party out of it and maybe you too will enjoy it.

Any kind of party rings 'fun' the only difference is this one, you should only invite your close friends or people you would not mind being accountable to.

Tuck in, drink and dance but before the party ends slot in a few minutes when you all make a change statement to one another.

I am not suggesting unrealistic or big changes. Anything will do.

As for me, my change statement is simple " I will change my writing time so it no longer interferes with other activities".

That's the sort of thing I mean. Something small but needful, commit to it and remember one step at a time. Have a fun filled change making weekend!

Doing is the key!

“For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.” Hannah Arendt

Almost all of us can identify with the frustration of a new graduate who job hunts for months on end without getting hired because he lacks experience and yet the only way he can get experience is when someone gives him the chance and hires him. Hannah probably had this sort of scenario in mind when she made the statement above.

Similar quotes are rife when studying a second language. In French, we have ‘en parlant qu’on parle’ meaning ‘practice makes perfect’. Teachers realizing the all important truth; to learn or excel in anything, you have to be doing it.

Simple enough but we hardly live by it. How often have you had your bubble burst when you attempted to do something? Bubble bursters will always be there; lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce at you, your ideas and ultimately stop you from doing. It hurts especially when a close friend or spouse is the face behind the ‘pop’ but isn’t it much worse when we burst our own bubbles ?

The people we admire most, certainly the ones that make impact are those ones that kept on ‘doing’ they prove the pessimists wrong as James Baldwin clearly put it ‘those who say it can't be done are usually interrupted by others doing it’. Take a hint from that and keep on doing.

We all have talents and gifts that we need to develop and use. Skill sets that will take us to places we have only ever been in our dreams. A sage like no other put it this way “A man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men”. Proverbs 18:16.

Do you know that a man's gift does not just make room for him? He has to do alot of things first. If it was a physical gift, he would have thought about it, chose it, wrapped it and all of that. If as I would like to think, it was a talent, he would have honed it to the point where he stood out.

Would you like to be the best that there is? Excel in a field? Experience fulfillment? Thrive regardless of the economic situation where you live? Learn new things? Yes it may require some time, going back to school, money, whatever. The answer lies in your doing, doing and doing alone. Take a step. You have what it takes, so do!

What every man should know.

Every woman loves receiving compliments so do not neglect giving loads to yours. On the other hand, a party of three or more, do not want to hear that you think your woman is hot under the covers or any intimate details you feel like divulging. That is just plain embarrassing for all of you. Have the decorum to know what should be said, how it should be said and where. There is a time and place for everything.

Every woman has an opinion. Even the mousey type ones who begin every sentence with ‘my husband said’ when you pause and ask them a direct question, they tend to find words to convey their thoughts so if you are fond of making unilateral decisions rethink this and consider carrying your wife along. The saying two heads are better than one did not just come to be; besides you and her, are meant to be one.

Every woman is not your wife. You will think that this is common knowledge but honestly there are some men out there who just don’t know when to stop. They make unwelcome advances. Crack dry jokes and sometimes make uncomplimentary remarks about other people’s wives. Come on. Have some decency. Take your bullshit home to someone who signed up for it.

Every woman has a flaw. Don’t kid yourself. There is no perfect woman. She knows it. You know it. The whole world knows it, so get real. Stop the highfaluting. We know. This is not to say however, that you should never sing your woman’s praises.

Every woman deserves respect. Quit dressing her down in front of your Bozo mates. Don’t go groping her boobs when all she’s offering is a hug and stop the public bum slapping whilst you are at it. It demonstrates nothing but crudeness drenched in major disrespect! Even if that’s how you get your kicks, spare others and keep it in the room.

Every woman has a fear. Acknowledge it. Assuage it. Whatever you do, don’t ever make light of it. To her it’s real and that should be enough for you. Work with her to overcome it if she can, in the meantime let her know with you, her monsters won’t catch up with her.

Every woman has venom. You read right. Push her to the wall or press her buttons one time too many and it will come spewing out. Toy with her emotions and break her heart and you will see there is truth in the saying ‘hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.’

Every woman desires a break. Take the odd day off and relieve her of the daily routine. Let your kids spend the weekend with some friends or family every once in a while. She will appreciate you that much more.

Every woman needs attention. Deny her and she will resent you along with those things in your tow, that receive the attention. Ignore her and you push her away. Better you give her lots of attention or she will seek and find it elsewhere. Remember boredom messes with the brain but loneliness is the real killer. A word is enough for the wise.

Every woman deserves a regular thank you. Again another easy one you will think; but men tend to forget. There is not enough ‘thank you’s to thank a woman for her varied roles. Thank her, thank her and when you are done, thank her again. It will bring out the sweetest parts of her I assure you.

May we dare to be different as we celebrate change today.

History is made when someone dares to be different and refuses to let anything stand in the way of what they seek to achieve. From today, the Unites States of America and in fact the world will never be the same because the words ‘all things are possible’ came alive as we saw the First African American President take office in the US of A.

The change black people all over have been waiting for came with Obama and today at least, the feeling that blacks will always be underdogs or weak links evaporates largely. It however does not end here. Many mindsets still need to be shifted so that in time discrimination can be laid to rest.

There will be many celebrating this historic day. As we pop open the wine bottles, cheer and make merry, our thoughts should go beyond today, beyond Obama to ways we as individuals can be better than our previous best in our vicinity. Obama’s victory does not only mean ‘Yes we can’ it also means excuses are no longer permissible, playing the race card will now be comical and we too can be instruments of change in our own countries.

May African leaders see this as a chance to do right by their citizens. May citizens see this as an opportunity to fight for the Nation they would like to have. May injustice, genocide and other such evil give way to tolerance, peace and understanding.

May we believe in ourselves like never before. May people ask in the near future where has corruption gone in our countries? May we dream new dreams and accomplish them. May we dare to be different and in our lifetime make history too. Yes we can!

Passion sets us apart.

Have you ever met someone whose energy was enough to light a room, whose face flushed with colour as they spoke about a subject, whose eyes sparkled and body moved with every enthused word they uttered?

Remembering a person like that would be easy. Describing them would be even easier. We will say they are passionate as a person or about their subject matter. Their passion would have set them apart, etching them in our memories.

We all can be like that; leaving lasting impressions in people’s minds however fleeting our encounter, if we find something we are passionate about. Personally, I believe that everyone has a passion and that it will gear them forward like nothing else.

Sometimes we meet people who we connect with because we have similar passions and there are those we meet who tell us to be ‘less’ or ‘more’ passionate. Personally, I doubt that passion is something we can turn down or up as we wish or that we can be too passionate. The meaning of passion confirms it.

Passion is the soul’s hunger. It cannot be ignored and has to be filled. With physical hunger, the choice of food does not matter as much as the need to be full because a person who is full refuses honey but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry (Proverbs 27:7). Similarly with passion a large or small audience, support or lack of makes no difference.

Passion is the fire in our bones that keep us walking on when our feet want to cave in. Passion is tied to our hearts and will drive us no matter what. Passion is personal, mostly innate yet visible, tangible and real. Passion may be overwhelmed but never dies. Passion motivates and ultimately makes us succeed.

I urge you to look inside you, find your passion and let it set you apart.

Gratitude

Last weekend, I was torn inside because I struggled to write. Continuing the challenge seemed slim not to mention completing it. Who would blame me if I quit I thought I set it myself didn’t I? I despaired because I knew that quitting was not an option for me yet I had reached a point where I was not satisfied with my posts.

This may seem odd to any who is reading my writing for the first time. So I will illustrate it. Imagine if you were a Medical Doctor who relocated to another country where you had to work as a nurse. Imagine the frustration you will feel when people praise your work. It will be at the tip of your tongue to say ''I can do so much more" That’s similar to how I felt.

Some of the stuff I posted in this challenge were just... 'I could have done better'. Thankfully, those who know me did not stop chiding me. Someone advised that I took a break from the daily posts, others encouraged me saying at least I was writing and I said to myself something has to give. Time in the prescence of the giver of talents revealed how to fix it.

So today, I am letting God's praises ring for His never ending faithfulness, for getting my groove back, for friends and family who made good points and an invaluable lesson I have learnt.

Enjoy

One of my favourite cities!

Not many people reading this would have ever visited one of my favourite cities. I love it because so many 'first' memories were made for me there. It is the city where I first learnt about diversity, love, and tolerance to mention a few. It's the city where I grew up and some of her lingo continue to graze my lips; Ilorin.

Ilorin is the capital of Kwara State ( the State of Harmony) in the south west region of Nigeria. Growing up there was fabulous. Many of those living there were not indigenes of the state but it did not make a difference. Diversity was celebrated and there was a huge sense of community.

Ilorin has 2 Universities, a Polytechnic, a College of Education and several schools within her walls. There are also some religious educational institutions like the United Missionary Theological Seminary and the College of Arabic and Islamic legal studies. Needless to say, it is very much a student's city.

You can cover the length and breadth of Ilorin, visit tourist places and entertainment venues in less than 3days. If a place that is free from the hustle and bustle of crowded cities appeals to you, Ilorin is for you.

The post office is one of the hubs of the city. All roads pretty much lead there and you can get a taxi to anywhere from the post office. It is also a good spot to hang about and get a real feel of the city.

Back then, if you boarded a taxi, you were more than likely to know someone in it and if you did, more often than not they would cover your fare. It was the way things were. People looked after one another. The taxi drivers were super kind too an extra 10 bucks could usually get you to your door.

You also could be damned sure if you were caught behaving badly in a public place your parents would have caught wind of it before you even arrived home. To think there were no cell/mobile phones then. Really, how did they do it?

There is something about living in a place like Ilorin. It could be the sense of contentment in the air, the tangible tranquility, low cost of everything or the fact that people are never too busy to say hello.

Whatever it is and no matter where you are from, Ilorin my childhood city begins to feel like home so much so that when you leave, you carry with you her calmness, you sometimes long to return and you miss the harmony that you experienced there in ways you can not possibly imagine fa.

*Fa - is an Ilorin expression that is used for emphasis or sometimes just for the fun of it.

Fancy a picnic?

Alright I admit the weather where I am is not one for having a picnic ideally. The word cold is being redefined daily as I experience newer low temperatures. However, seeing that we do not really live in an ideal world, I'll say the cold is not enough reason to rule out a picnic.

How about you turn up the heat a little or light up the fire place then set up your picnic mat and food on the floor in front of the fire and have some fun. I have a feeling your family will love you for it and for what it's worth, you will for that period forget how freezing cold it is outside.

Now for those of you who live in warmer climates, your picnic does not have to be indoors. Grab a big hamper, fill it with sandwiches, fruits and other finger food (whatever works for you), invite some friends and go on to that park near you.

Whatever you choose to do, have fun this weekend!

Women @ different stages.

The single girl says, 'I am tired'. 'I just want to meet him; get married and have children'.

'Is it not enough Mister that I said and meant my vows? Why do I have to change my name?' asks the newlywed.

The heavily pregnant one (whose maternal instincts refuse to kick in) moans: 'Why can’t we just adopt? Why go through all this stress?'

The new mum after countless sleepless nights tearfully mutters, 'I am overwhelmed!' .

'Jeez! What was that pain?' gasps the breast feeding mum, as her womb contracts for the very first time.

'Arghhhhhhhh! Keep quiet'! screams the mother of toddlers running riot!

The married lonely whose husband is home late again wonders, 'how did I get here?'

The mature woman who has experienced all the above advices, “You have to take care of yourself.”

She knows this for sure, that life is in stages and you will do well to look after yourself at every stage or you may not get past it.

Embrace your future today!

Sometimes we wonder why things are not changing for us. Everyone else seem to be moving forward but we are stuck in a rut. It may be a dead-end job like the one I once had where it was clear that promotion was inconceivable in the organization, despicable did not even begin to describe the conditions of work and the environment yet I stayed at the job for a few years before moving on.

It may be a desire to achieve something more but life, procrastination, and doubts flood in and before we know it, several years have gone and not a lot has happened in our lives. Zero difference and we are hit by the blues.

Often the reasons we stay static is because we dread leaving our comfort zone. The frustrations of stagnancy not quite overpowering our fear of the unknown. We hide under sayings like ‘the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know’ in desperate attempts to justify our current state. We blame it on people or things not wanting to take responsibility but as Shakespeare recognised " the fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves."

We can make a decision to stop the current cycle,make a move and change. That word change, how we fail to adequately grasp its importance. It is what separates the successful from the failures. It differentiates the goal getters from the back benchers. It is the reason why the past becomes present, the present becomes past and the future the present. Any day we choose we can begin the process of change.

Nothing ever just happens. We make things happen by doing something. So if that situation you are in seems to be more than you can bear. Change it! Embrace your future today.

What no one ever says about marriage.

Love is not enough! It may sound impossible to believe but it is true. Many married people will attest to the fact that sometimes there just isn’t any love in the mix and by the way, it is absolutely normal.

I mean it will be hard to feel love that moment your man announces that he will be wiping out your joint savings account to fund his sister’s 5th business idea seeing that the 4th one just failed. It will be all you can do not to have an anger outburst at what you know will certainly be a disaster but experience tells you to keep mute even as adrenaline rushes through your body. You know his mind is made up. You’ve seen the glint of determination that appears in his eyes when he makes these kind of decisions. You immediately start planning how to botch the plan but you feel no love that very minute.

You may even feel something close to dislike when he offers no emotional support during painfully difficult times. A husband once said to his wife as she cried during what transpired to be a miscarriage; “water is just coming out of your eyes right? You are not crying.” Try that for insensitivity and crudeness and tell me how love can be felt at that time.

Men possibly have their moments too when they feel no love but dare I say women have it more perhaps because somewhere in the men’s gene is the insensitive and coming up with wacky ideas trait.

What makes it ever so amusing is when one sees engaged couples, newly-weds or those who have been married for a few odd years. You can tell that they have not yet come across the trait, nor experienced any real challenges or struggles. Their marriage is yet to be tested and tried so they feel the love all the time. You smile because you know they will soon have their very own rude awakening.

The best part of all however, is that moment when it dawns on you that even though love is never enough in any marriage, it is also indispensable.

Save more time: plan!

Time. There never seems to be enough of it. From the moment the alarm clock rouses us from sleep until we again shut our eyes again at night, we are racing against time. We try to fit in as much as we can in our day and find several unfinished tasks that we carry forward to the next day.

Perhaps an obvious time saving tip, but think how much we would accomplish if we plan ahead. There are so many quotes about planning out there. The first that comes to mind is "he who fails to plan; plans to fail." This could not be truer or over stressed yet many people still neglect to take time out and make realistic time saving plans.

Though it initially takes time to make a plan. If it is a realistic one, it goes a long way because not only does it guide us as we go through our day, we can at a glance know where we need to put more energy.

It does not have to be an elaborate step by step of what you plan to do all day. Simple bullet points with approximate timescale work for many and there are no rules that say you must adhere to the plan dogmatically. As with most things, flexibility is important.

A few other things planning ahead would save you include: late submissions on deadlines, money, sleep and angry outbursts from people who have to over stretch themselves picking up on the mess that our lack of planning creates.

Only the person who thinks the hours of the day are more than enough to finish his/her daily task will continue to say, ' planning, I'm just not cut out for it.'

Giving back to the Giver

Bread, Banana, Chocolate, Chips, Eggs, Fish, Fried plantain, Grilled Chicken, Jollof Rice, Pistachio nuts, Sloppy Joe and Yoghurt are only a few of the different things I have eaten this week.

I also tried out a new restaurant and thoroughly enjoyed the meal there. Obviously, I enjoy eating but more than that, this week, I am giving back my gratitude to my Maker for the different kind of food that exsist; their flavour, aroma, texture, taste and the nourishment they bring to our bodies. I am thankful that food is available and affordable to us and that we can eat.

This transports me right back to the 80's when I first learnt the lyrics of this short song that says it best:

"Some have food but can not eat, some can eat but have no food; we have food and we can eat, glory be to God on high."

Shall we rekindle the flame? Part 2

Hardly can one attend a gathering of more than 2 Nigerians without the topic of our Nation being broached. One then wonders that with the amount of conversations, the fact that we are all agreed that there is a lot to be done, why is it not being done then?

We have heard it said that ‘your today is a reflection of your yesterday’ hence our today is also a reflection of our tomorrow. Does it then mean that the generations before us inflicted us with this expert ability to theorize but not practicalize? When will the veil separating these be torn? Or shall we ourselves breed a generation that would be afraid to even broach theories?

Most developed nations had citizens who lost their lives along the way for what they believed in. Many lives are already being lost in our Nation to crime and other evil perpetrations. Yet we shy away from noble causes. Playing the ‘we were colonized’ card would no longer wash either. Were we the only ones? How come some of the other colonies have advanced more than us in spite of our Nation being one of the most richly endowed country with natural resources in the World. Besides, whilst still on colonization, it has been 48 years since we became independent and that’s 2 years more than the years we were colonized so there really is no excuse!

I want to believe that change is in the works in Nigeria. But is it? Not unless we get back to being passionate and determined to make good our childhood desires of making Nigeria better. It is all in our hands; every single one of us and there is no escaping from it.

Let us make it our priority to rekindle the flame. If we all put in our best then at least, we will be able to say like Abraham Lincoln ‘ I do the very best I can, the very best I know how, if the end brings me out right then good, if not, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.

Consider dancing.

Another fun thing anyone you can do this weekend is dancing. Before you roll your eyes if you are not a fan, consider this:

• Dancing provides just about the same effects as aerobic exercise
• It has numerous health benefits
• It can help reduce weight if you do it regularly
• It reduces stress and improves strength
• It increases energy and tones muscles
• It is a lot of fun

The best part is, it is quite flexible. Whether you are all alone, at a party or hanging out with friends you can always blast some music and sway to the rhythm. So this weekend, I hope you dance!

There's a special place...

‘There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women’. Madeleine K. Albright

Madeleine must have said this in exasperation. She probably could not understand how a woman would choose not to help other women particularly a woman in a position of influence.

Yet we see it everyday don't we? It is glimpsed in the sister in-law who refuses to babysit her nephews and says something like "nobody helped me look after my kids, you have to learn to cope by yourself". It is captured in the unspoken words of the work colleague who never shares information and also in the threatening look a female boss gives a subordinate who she perceives as a threat.

We learn to live with it. We may even be the ones that withold our help from others. We think 'it's life, deal with it'. It never seems to cross our minds that we could and should change it or that it goes against how we are defined; as nurturing and loving beings.

Seriously women, why should anyone have to go through the rigorous motions you endured before you got something or somewhere? Isn't it bad enough that you went through it?

From one woman to others, shall we stop, think and realise that truly we ought to help one another? It is not at all the end of the world if someone has it easier because of you, it should in fact, be a joy that you made life that much simpler for another and who knows, there may very well be a special place in heaven for women who do help other women.

First Impressions!

First impressions last long we all know, but should they?

It was her first day on the job. She was awfully excited but had woken up so late she could not eat breakfast or pack her lunch. Well, truth be told, she had been exhausted playing with her 15 month old child the night before perhaps in a bid to quell the feelings of guilt she was trying not to feel.

She took a last lingering look in the fridge trying to see if perhaps a possible lunch idea would form from the Ketchup, Milk and Fruits she had in there. If only her grocery delivery had arrived yesterday as planned she sighed as she slammed the fridge door and donned her coat. She would source out something she thought as she said her goodbye to the childminder and kissed her little boy even as her stomach growled.

Hunger pangs still clawed at her inside 20minutes later when she walked into the new Company that would be her workplace from now. She was introduced to her team. They all slapped on bright smiles but she noticed the smiles did not quite reach their eyes.

Her induction took a full hour but then she got a good tour of the building. So good in fact that she made her way back to the canteen a short while later to see if she could grab a bite. Glad that there was a tuna and sweetcorn sandwich she hurriedly claimed it but, alas, scouting through her handbag revealed she had only had a few pennies. Realising she brought the wrong bag, she quietly walked away from the canteen with tears stinging her eyes.

Back in their open-plan office, she decided to focus on her work for the day. Just at that time, one of the ladies in her team (Lucy) came over and said ' uhm skiving already?' She had no quick retort that could match that so she gave a quarter of a smile.

The next few hours went by quickly and it was soon lunch time. She decided to check on the childminder and was speaking to her on her cell phone when her team all stood up to go for lunch. Lucy gave her a quizzical look that asked, 'aren't you coming?' to which she shook her head.

Lucy smirked back at her, passing a crystal clear message to her, 'she had just crossed a line' but short of humiliating herself and asking them to loan her a fiver, there was no way she could go and have lunch with them. Besides she never had lunch buddies at work, she preferred to sit alone and enjoy a quiet lunch thereby avoiding the gossip that characterised team lunches.

An hour later, when her team returned, they each asked her if she had worked through lunch. When she responded affirmatively, they chorused 'uuhhh' and Lucy gave her daggers. Evidently, she just stepped further away from the accepted and liked line.

2 years into this job, her team would now like and value her contribution but not before telling her how much they loathed her on that first day and how they had decided to 'show' her during that lunch she opted out of; their first impression of her being that she was a 'skiving, snobbish, working through lunch type' when in fact she was just a 'hungry, cashless, trying to get through the day type'.

So I ask again, should first impressions last long? Or should we simply try to get an accurate first impression?

* To 'skive' is British slang for the practice of avoiding responsibilities (particularly work or school) because you want to do something more fun or just don’t want to do what you should be doing.

Did you know?

That according to some research carried out a few years ago in US and UK:

• 73% percent of all books in libraries are never checked out.
• The average American reads only eight hours every week.
• 40% of Britons never read books only newspapers
• The average American annually spends 10 times more on what he puts on his head than what he puts into his head.

I wonder what such research if carried out in Nigeria, might reveal. I do know that most Nigerian homes have just about all the electrical gadgets imagineable but lack a library.

It is not all doom and gloom however, I also found this interesting information in an article by Harvey Mackay :

• If you read just one book per month for 12 straight months, you will be in the top 25 percentile of all intellectuals in the world!
• If you read five books on one subject, you are one of the world's foremost leading authorities on that subject!
• If you read just 15 minutes a day -- every day, for one year -- you can complete 20 books!

Ah - ha! Why not read a book this month? I will!

*Data for this post was from:

http://www.literacytrust.org.uk/Database/Mori.html#never and
http://www.heraldextra.com/content/view/205172/

New Year, New Job? Not unless employers call you back!

It is common knowledge that many people are unhappy with their current jobs and are seeking new ones. However, not so many manage to make that job switch.

Contrary to what some might believe, many employers do look at CVs and Cover letters and read through them. So if you fall in the job hunter category and have been at it for a while, unless you are getting interview calls, you need to pause and restrategize. These tips might help.

• Apply for the the right job - if you don't speak a word of french why are you applying for a job that requires you speak french fluently?
• Be concise - make short sensible sentences in your cover letter
• Compare, compare, compare - by this I mean compare your CV and Cover letter with others before you send them out
• Definitely give examples - so you can do x, y and z how about you cite cases and scenarios
• Eradicate errors from your CV and Cover letter (nothing shouts incompetent more than those mis-spelt words and grammatically wrong sentences so make your's error-free)

Giving back to the Giver

As I thought of what specific thing to be thankful for this week, this hymn popped back into my head as it has done every now and then since I first heard it. If you ever heard of a small blue book called ‘Songs of Praise’ (SOP) then you more than likely know the Hymn. It is number 444 in SOP.

It makes me pause and think about things I otherwise take for granted. I take a moment and think of a small creature, usually an ant and then of a big creature, an Elephant. I think about how they were made by God and marvel.

So today, I give back to Him who lays the beams of His upper chambers in the waters and walks on the wings of wind, He who laid the foundations of the earth and makes the clouds His chariot, my gratitude for creation, His numerous wonderful works and hymns that help us remember to be thankful.

Enjoy:

Shall we rekindle the flame? Part 1

As an African in the Diaspora, I get questioned a lot about when if ever I intend to return home. My answer in my first year abroad was just as soon as I completed my Masters and maybe worked for a year. That answer has since become a big question mark.

Some months ago I had a conversation with some family members where I was accused of not liking Nigeria and I vehemently defended myself. If I am to have that conversation now, perhaps my defense of myself might not be so strong.

I have become accustomed to a way of life and to things ‘working’ that what was once a fiercely burning fire to develop and improve my country is fast becoming ebbing coals. Isn’t this true of many of us? It may even be the reason why often, our elected officials hardly do anything when they assume power. The fact is, it is harder to empathize or feel something as strongly when you are physically removed from it.

By no means is this a justification of our leaders, indeed they have failed and continue to fail us on several levels. Anyone who has ever been hungry for a considerable length of time would know that at that time, you remember those who have nothing to eat on a daily basis, images of hunger stricken children who could die of starvation may even flash in your head; but the moment you have eaten to your belly’s satisfaction those reflections and other such images fade away from your memory. This is what I believe happens to our leaders. They know that there are many plagues to get rid of they just are no longer that much afflicted and so things slide.

Having said that, most of us grew up with the desire to make Nigeria a better place; some like me, even took up community development projects during the service year which earned them the State’s recognition and award. So many of us (home and abroad) love Nigeria and desire to see her fulfill her potential or at least provide her people with the basic human needs: constant supply of electricity and water, well maintained good roads and education.

Part 2 will be posted next Saturday.

One fun thing you can do this weekend @ no cost.

We can get so caught up in life that we forget to take a break from our routine activities even when it is obvious we need one. Other times when we do remember there are not many fun things we can do that do not involve spending. Well here’s one, do nothing!

What can be more fun than doing absolutely nothing? Well by nothing I mean nothing on your ‘to do’ list. Playing hookey has always been a fun thing to do hasn’t it? It is the reason people continue to skip classes in school and pull sickies at work.

So one day this weekend, how about you abandon the list and play hookey! Do any one of these things whilst you are at it:

• Stay in your pyjamas
• Don’t answer phone calls
• Eat directly from the pot
• Jump in a puddle
• Scribble with a stick on the sand.
• Have a hot-cold shower

Some of these you relished doing as children. Well, I suggest you reconnect with that child still in you. It really doesn’t matter which of these you choose to do or not do just as long as you have fun. You will feel better for it.

Who are you and where are you from?

In this age of virtual what have you and globalization, the world has shrunk and enlarged all for the same reasons. People are now meeting people from all over the world and making friends with people living in countries they have never been and may never visit. Defining ourselves and identity has never been more complex.

My first encounter with globalization if I don’t count the Indian family in my secondary school, was as a student in Leicester. I was visiting two of my classmates at one of the Halls of residence when one of them said “Wow how much more global can we get?” There we were, the Nigerian, sitting with an American (whose Dad is Polish) and a Chinese eating fried plantain with chopsticks.

I further grasped how this globalization affected people on personal levels when I would hear Asian and African looking people response in long winded sentences that began with “I am originally from…’ before they end it with “… but I was born here” when asked where they where from. Although, I also was born in UK, it never seemed right for me to make the ‘originally from’ sentence until now.

I currently live in the US and get asked a lot where I am from and I find that responding with a simple ‘Nigeria’ doesn’t suffice as people tend to assume that I had endured some sort of hardship in the process of getting here.

Besides, follow up questions often reveal that I have lived in UK and so it has become easier all round for me to say the ‘I am originally from….’ phrase. What I find amusing is the reaction I get when this information comes to light it’s almost as if right there I am transformed into a more interesting person and I get asked even more questions. That really cracks me up.

Just how complex this whole concept of identity and defining ourselves has become fazes me. I can’t help thinking what phrase my Nigerian/British/American kids will coin when they are asked these questions in the not so far future. Perhaps then acronyms will be used and they might get away with saying NBA.

Makes one wonder why there appears to be little if any shift in our mindsets as people despite the changes globalization has brought about or isn't who we are and where we are from not so much about the Nation as it is a product of our cultural and other experiences?