What can I say?

That's the question that mostly kept me away.

What can I say?

It's been over a year.

What can I say?

My life continues to change in ways I can't quite blog about.

What can I say?

Dunno. Should I even try?

What can I say?

Hello there or hi?

What can I say?

I'm back if only for a while.

That I may live and love for long in an uncommon way

A few weeks ago, after several days of kid oriented activities, my son asked me if I was really sure of where I came from. I wondered what he meant and nodded while eager to find out where he was going with this and then he said "it's just that sometimes it feels like you're from the world of fun."

Those words meant and still mean a lot to me. Things were not the usual for our household at this time, I was working harder than normal under new circumstances and was quite exhausted. The fact that my son could not perceive how exhausted I actually felt meant that I was doing something right and I suddenly had enough energy boost to do more. Words carried me and I was able to get through my to-do list for that time.

As humans, we like setting and working towards goals. We get reflective in the weeks before a New Year in preparation for what's ahead even as we plan parties. We celebrate milestones, pat ourselves at the back for things well done and when we miss the mark we purpose to do better next time often after we've beaten ourselves up.

Personally, my new year is in November because it's my favourite month and my birth month. In true human style, I became reflective but I made no party plans. The last year (Nov 09- Nov 10) had been too different for me. I had been stretched in a way that I do not want to be stretched again yet I could not have gained the wisdom I feel I now have without that experience.

My personal and spiritual values had been put on trial it seemed. Having always been introspective in nature, I became more so and there were times I felt like I was imploding. Sigh.

In all these and unknown to me a group where I would normally volunteer had the right words for me on a weekly basis - REST. So, this year, I skipped the party and retreated for my birthday and I had the most refreshing time. I could feel myself fall back into my own skin. I came out with only one goal, to rest and relax in this New Year that I may live and love for long in an uncommon way.

Guilty!

A colleague at work calls me temptation….well, only because I tend to send out group emails inviting people to my desk for goodies.

I have a sweet tooth.

It doesn’t matter how much calories a snack has or how deep the cavities I might get, some treats are too good to pass on.

This morning, I woke up wanting to share some of the chocolate goodness I had been given by awesome friends. I gave one to a lady that rides the bus with me. She accepted with profuse thanks and then said she should not have, since she is slightly diabetic but she wouldn’t return it even though I was ready to have it back. I felt a twinge of guilt.

At work, I shared more goodies but you know how it is, every thanks came with a word or two- about healthy eating. My guilt multiplied.

Several packs of chocolate later and possibly sugar high, I am smiling at the world and their brothers when I hear the word temptation, my colleague is here, I do not hand over any treat instead I offer an orange.

Finally, I’m guilt-free!

When sleep won't come

Stars twinkle from behind pine trees,
I wonder if anyone else is watching them
as I am,
through the window pane,
laying in the orange glow of the light bulb,
listening to the hums from a half broken laptop.
A motor-cycle just sped by, interrupting the quiet..
I hear my daughter turn and the drone of a plane
I don't know what I'm listening for.
I should sleep.
Night owl, early bird, strange but I am both
not one or the other
Another perplexing fun fact about me.
Odd to be the only one enjoying the night
Now having a cold drink under the rays of streetlights that color the kitchen floors
No cheers
Only the gulping sound from my throat as liquid flows down
Good night is what my belch should sound like.

Bubbles

Last summer brought with it a lot of water play, the sun's scorch caused our skin to demand more liquid to bring down our bodies rising temperatures.

People who had those splash and slide things rushed out to the garden and played with them. Other's who didn't, made do with whatever they had. I once saw someone drench a bunch of kids with the water hose in their garden and they loved it!

Chez nous, sprinklers and water gun fights were the highlight of my toddler's days.We also had different types of bubble makers in our house.

Blowing bubbles is such a simple and effective way of creating FUN time. We watch bubbles of different sizes, float up and down and then burst. Sometimes we pop them ourselves.

We even figured out that we get more bubbles when we switch on a fan and made the fan blow out the bubbles for us. We screamed and laughed and enjoye our bubble time.

It's no wonder why children love bubble baths. There is something about bubbles that scream relaxation and enjoyment. A lot like life to me actually.

Yes, I sometimes see life like a bubble. The way it begins. Created by a specific mixture of ingredients. Then proppelled into the air by the force of wind; with humans, the force may be different but we all have people in our lives that drive us which is why expressions like " you are the wind beneath my wings" exist.

The light and floating bubble state reminds me of innocence and transparency. The way bubbles reflect whatever colors that are close to them or just beam like a rainbow when rays of sunlight shine on them mirrors the human ability to act and speak based on whatever we have been exposed to.

When I see bubbles, I am nudged to be bubbly because I am reminded of the fleetingless of life. The way bubbles pop or get popped which is akin to our very own end, left behind emotions, the only evidence that they were here.

Insomnia

I am piercing the quietness of the night with hymns and classical music.

My new headphones are a delight!

May morning stay away for many more hours.

When it does come, may it not bring with it the headache from yesterday, the day before and the day before that.

Amin.

No longer waiting

My blogging life has been on hold for far longer than I expected. That was fine when I had other things that would totally make up for it. However, those things haven't quite made up for it because they didn't really come or rather, I am still waiting for them to show up

Staying away from here therefore no longer makes sense.