Taking a break

I have been unwell. Much better now but staring at the computer is making my eyes and head really hurt. As a result, I have to take a break from the A-Z, in fact, from any writing.

Before I leave however, let me share with you that I had some fabulous news last friday of the kind that makes you smile to yourself everytime you remember and makes everyone you tell scream. Rejoice with me people and watch this space. I'll be back as soon as I am able.

It worked like magic!

There I was multitasking as usual, writing a blog post, watching some TV show and sending instant messages to some friends. It occured to me to ask what these friends had in mind for Valentine's day and two of the guys came up with nothing since they were somewhat low on cash.

I then suggested a simple low cost idea which they took on board and I have since heard that "it worked like magic". My suggestion was that they should write several meaningful notes to their spouses and hide them in different places in the house for her to find.

Women generally love to read love notes (ours and other's) besides, hunting for the notes can be thrilling as well as amusing so it's a win win situation. Of course, the flowers chocolate, cake and dining out are also great but showing someone we care really does not have to cost a penny.

As I said to one of the guys later, we women are really little girls at heart especially with the man we love. So the little things count a lot and we can be just as giddy over a hand written note as we can a diamond ring.

Really, in every relationship it would be nice if we remembered this more often and do the little things that count instead of waiting for grand gestures.

Happy Valentine's Day people and just incase you also did nothing because of cash flow reasons, it's never too late to write those notes it really does work like magic.

Alright, I will do it!

For a while, I have been meaning to do an elongated piece on Marriage. Actually, the A-Z of married life is what I had in mind and I even started writing letter A, then I stopped and told myself several reasons why I should not write it including - what qualifies me to write it.

The long and short of my reluctance however, was not really that I felt unqualified (afterall, I am married and I think that is enough qualification because I'll only be sharing my point of view), it really was my personal struggle with 'labels'. I felt that writing the A-Z of married life would brand me and for some reason I didn't want that.

Nonetheless, I keep hearing people's stories about things they struggle with in their marriage and some of what I hear just breaks my heart. I look within myself and know that an A-Z might have helped me on my path with the varied experiences being married has brought me. I am also too aware that many people would read a blog post before they finish a book on relationships so I have decided to stop struggling and simple do it.

I don't know that the words that I intend to use for each alphabet are the best possible ones, they certainly are not the only options but I know this for sure, they will be the words that have been laid on my heart explained in my own way with the single goal of helping to reduce the number of 'pretend-good' marriages.

The A-Z of married life will begin next week.

How does one fall in love?

I get asked many questions. Some I am more than amply prepared for and I fire off my answers immediately and there are others that quite simply stump me. The title of my post falls within the latter category. Honestly how do you answer that?

One could say it depends on who is asking. Is it a single or married person, a child or an adult etc. Well I was being asked by a married person. Knowing the way people's mind work, I bet some of you reading this are already thinking uhmm what's up with that? Is an affair brewing? The answers you seek would be No and for those of you who are now thinking how do you know? Come on, cut me some slack! I know. This person was asking only out of a desire to rekindle the love in their marriage.

So, how does one fall in love? In the few minutes of confusion that elapsed before I gave an answer, I hoped that this person's spouse would make use of Valentine's day which is in a few days and go out of their way to plan a suprise big enough to keep that question at bay. By the way, if you are reading this and intend to do nothing for your spouse this weekend think again because for all you know they too are asking this very question.

Anyway, my answer in the end was another question, would it be okay to do a post about it? I figured it would do me some good to think about it some more and then give an answer which would be available to more people.

I have thought about it all day and think I should first of all say how one does not fall in love again. One does not fall in love again by:

• Denying the issues that exist - this only widens the gulf
• Doing insensitive things - this show a lack of grip on one's emotions
• Slamming doors and hurling words a.k.a drama, drama, drama, - this is just aggravating because when all is said and done, not only are you still not in love, you become exhausted

Hopefully, those 3 points serve as a guide and to be frank doing their opposite would help to reignite the love flame. To fall in love again one needs to:

• Find and focus on the good parts of the other person
• Accept that both of you will have differences and agree to identify, discuss and resolve issues
• Listen to yourself and communicate properly
• Listen to the other person and strive to make them happy
• Indulge one another, give gifts for no reason, write notes, send texts (whatever works for you)
• Nurture your relationship, hang out together a lot, go to the movies again, whatever works well for you
• Love first, people respond to love, so love, love love basically act out what you will like to see
• Openly commit to making your relationship the best possible
• Vigorously pray and set goals together, vision always helps
• Erase all previous hurts thereby giving love a real chance to blossom

* If your relationship is so bad that you can not even be bothered with these steps, I suggest you seek professional help with a third party whom you both trust and respect. If you also have any additional tips on how to fall in love, feel free to leave a comment.

Corresponding Actions (C.A)

Have you ever met a pregnant woman who is suprised when she delivers a baby? Or a farmer who is suprised that his crops grow? Do you know any baker who adds yeast to a dough and then marvels that it rises? Or anyone flip a switch on and then exclaim when light comes on?

Unless in circumstances where there is something already faulty or it's a first experience, the answer would be 'no'. Why? Corresponding actions!

In life, there are corresponding actions to things, expectations and beliefs. If we hear good news, the C.A would be to rejoice, likewise if we hear sad news the C.A will be that we also feel sad. We expect the C.A of becoming full when we have eaten and that our thirst is quenched when we drink.

In all the time I have been aware of C.A and how real it is in our daily living, when it comes to our faith it seems to me that it does become almost inexistent. Take prayer for example. I personally believe that when we pray, if we are really expecting our prayers to be answered, we would show corresponding actions to that prayer. I think that there is an element of doubt (for lack of a better word) which prevents us from demonstrating 100% C.A where we believe our faith is concerned.

It's the reason, I was suprised only last week when something pleasant and prayed for happpened to me. Indeed, I believed every word I had prayed and I expected the answer daily yet when I did hear the news I was suprised almost as if I was not truly expecting it and it brought C.A back to my mind. Can you recall a time when you have been just like me?

There should be corresponding actions to our faith as there is for everyday things. I could hazard guesses as to why we lack C.As but I think it is different for every individual and my aim with this post is simply to serve as a reminder that if we believe something truly, we act.

Corresponding actions to faith is possible and powerful.

Now the challenge is over.

I am feeling quite chuffed that I completed my 30-day challenge, there were days when I thought I wouldn't finish but eh that is all in the past now.

Going forward, I'll still be writing regularly on this blog but not on a daily basis. It'll be more like 2ce a week.

As far as gratitude goes today, I am thankful for a new month, things I have crossed off my to-do list and new challenges I am embarking on.