When we speak different languages.

Not many things beat the frustration and anger accompanied with not being understood. The way we react in situations like that is a language in itself speaking out clearly about how we communicate.

In particular, when the communication gap is within a marital relationship, the negative feelings multiply. Spouses are quick to bring to mind the million and one times they have experienced similar scenarios thereby getting more vexed. Questions like how can he not get it? Why is she playing dumb? run around in their heads heightening the irritation.

There are those who get furious and draw battle lines usually recognized by their rising voices, clenched fists, revealing white knuckles and increasing beads of sweat around the brows. There are others who throw their hands up in the air and give up, choosing to shut down in other to avoid a melt-down and there are also those rare ones, who stay calm until they find a way to get their message across.

Getting to that calm level where something aggravating us can be resolved without burst arteries, streaming eyes and all the drama is not easy, but it is possible and achievable by everyone, if we desire it.

Suppose you are visiting a new country, say Spain for example. You do not speak a word of Spanish but you are looking forward to your vacation. Would you not invest in either learning basic Spanish, buy some of those ‘what you need to know about’ books or get a tour guide? Whatever the cost, you would not mind, because you know it will go a long way to enhance your whole trip making it that much more enjoyable.

Why is it then that we hardly employ this mindset to life, our most important journey of all? Ask yourself when was the last time you tried to see things from your spouse’s perspective? Or bought a book that will help you understand him/her better? Why neglect to equip ourselves with aids that will make our lives more interesting?

Every man speaks a different language to every woman. Fact! That person you walked down the aisle with has whatever many years of various experiences that make him communicate the way he does. Add to that his inherent tendencies and you will see that perhaps instead of an anger outburst or a name calling exercise, a calm and solutions focused approach will make more difference.

When we speak different languages, normally, we try to learn each other’s language, we are more tolerant of errors, we show more patience, we sharpen our non-verbal cues, we practice a lot, we show rather than tell and we do not give up. Should we not lend one another the courtesy that we do where real languages are concerned?